Thank you times a million

This has been the quickest 3 months ever.  It’s also been the longest. three. months. of. my. entire. life. 

I really have a hard time remembering the baby that was born on November 14.  Life has become such a blur since then that I literally can’t remember what I taught on Friday, much less what my baby was like three months ago.  I vaguely remember being tired, even more tired, vaguely confused by everything,and worried about getting things right.  Now, thirteen weeks later, I’m exhausted, even more exhausted, no closer to finding any answers, and still worried about getting things right.  The “things” have expanded from including just the baby to including the baby, work, friends, home, my husband, work again, the baby some more, etc. etc. etc.  To put it mildly, it’s been stressful.  To put it probably more honestly, my life seems to sort of be spinning out of control and I feel slightly miserable sometimes. 

Going back to work hasn’t been easy at all.  Before I went back, I naïvely thought that the waking up at 5 am after having a baby to deal with during the night part would be the hardest part.  It turns out it’s a little more complicated than that.  Lots of factors are at play here, but suffice to say that everything about 7:00 to 3:00 is difficult.  Between that, and my refluxy/fussy/bottle rejecting/stomach hurting baby who oftentimes greets me not with a smile but with a scream in the afternoon, I’ve sort of lost track of the important things and allowed myself to become caught up in the negative and the bad.  In the dead of winter (and a flipping snowy one it’s been…what the heck happened there?).  Not good.

Today, though, my mom came to my house. She QUIT her job to watch B all week long (for an amount that is honestly criminal; really, I’m pretty sure it’s illegal for me to pay what I am for what I get), AND I unexpectedly/unintentionally stuck her and my dad with a fussy B last night while Tim and I went out to dinner with friends. And THEN she came up on a Sunday to clean, do laundry, help me make cupcakes and cookies for my students for Valentine’s Day, watch B while I sat on my butt for a while, and generally keep me from falling on the wrong side of insane.  She managed to get B to eat an entire bottle (something I’d failed at all weekend) and went on a walk around the neighborhood with me, B, and the dog.  Meanwhile, Tim was busy cleaning the floors in the house and grocery shopping.  I was left with nothing to do but enjoy the day.  I feel like I can get through another week now, which isn’t really something I would have said yesterday.  I’m also pretty sure that we can get through the next three months, and the three after them, and so on…